Friday, January 15, 2016

Broke down

I broke down on Wednesday.

My baby girl fell and I couldn't catch her in time, and she almost hurt her eyes on the corner of a bedside cabinet. I feel really lousy. I was very overwhelmed by the incident and various other feelings that have been bugging me on and off. I felt like I am an incompetent mother because I am unable to stay at home to be a full time mum, and an incompetent teacher because I am unable to place my work as my highest priority. That kinda get to me and for a while, I lost the delicate balance of a working mum, and I broke down and cry.

I cried while washing my pump parts while standing alone at the sink in the kitchen. Then I cried myself to sleep.

Today in NIE, we did a self-awareness activity to share how we are feeling this week in our own group. I told them how I felt and how I had broken down. I did feel better and I guess I've recovered from that tremendously bad day. I hope no one will judge me. I still feel incompetent somehow, but I know I shouldn't be too hard on myself despite wanting to excel in everything. I need to love myself first, before I can love my children and love my job.

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