Thursday, October 9, 2014

New post again

Teaching and motherhood has not been a breeze for me. There's been lots of updates that I've been wanting to post, but never gotten down to doing it.

This year has been an extremely turbulent year for me, filled with emotional roller coasters. I've cried on the train, melt down with my boss (and more than once), got terribly depressed over not getting pregnant with number 2 in this year, which was what I really planned to do when I had number 1. After a dragon baby, I want a horse baby, and two years apart seems ideal. My plan wasn't going smooth and my emotions went utterly haywire. From a post-natal check up after number 1, my gynae revealed that I have PCOS which will cause it to be more difficult for me to get pregnant. My number 1 who's conceived naturally was considered a miracle by my gynae. My period didn't come for 5 months which were filled with turbulent emotions and hectic (dreadful) workload, but I wasn't pregnant. Yet I was obsessed with testing with those pee sticks again and again. I decided to see a TCM physician at TMC for fertility issues and I've spent over 1000 bucks on the medication and the acupuncture packages. And not to mention, it's been torturous going for those acupuncture sessions. It's painful and time consuming, plus I gotta rush from work, and I gotta spend bombs on taxis. It's just anything but pleasant. I was sad and emotionally tortured by the fact that I am unlike any other normal women who can just get preggy whenever they wanted to. I feel so unfit. Just before my period finally returned with a vengeance, my TCM physician suggested that I should try IUI or IVF. That mere suggestion shattered me. What is wrong with me?! Why me?! Why is everyone else getting pregnant, but not me?! Even after spending 1000s of hard earned money, and going through such tortures?! Okay, I know there are other women who went through it, but I am already an emotional wreck without having to go through the ordeal. I don't know if I have the resilience to overcome it, and I salute the women who did. In addition, work hasn't been forgiving. I can handle work if that's all that I have to handle, but I cannot handle the emotional stress from the fact that it's getting really difficult for me to get pregnant. I cred at the slightest thing in and outta work. Overall, the year hasn't been nice.

But I'm back.

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