Random pics of confinement food

MIL's attempts to pamper me with her cooking...

Breastmilk jaundice

After today's PD review...

[11:36AM, 10/06/2015] Just now went her jaundice check... I'm having headache all the way zzz

[11:37AM, 10/06/2015] Jaundice went up.. did blood test for testing liver etc other organs.. draw a lot of blood so heart pain sigh

[11:38AM, 10/06/2015] Luckily all good, so Dr Ang concluded it's just breastmilk jaundice.. I asked anything that I eat may affect? Like ginger etc? She said no, is due to hormones, but no alcohol as bad for liver, and cut down on herbs..

Copied and pasted from a Whatsapp conversation.

Past few days

It has been 13 days since my second girl popped through a cut in my abdomen. There are a lot of things that I have wanted to share here but I couldn't find time to blog at all. I guess that's truly how it's like to be a parent of 2 children... more to juggle, more time on family, and lesser time to indulge on other stuff like blogging etc. I do continue to post on Instagram though, with lots of posts on my confinement food.

MIL has been cooking a huge variety of food for me. In fact, this confinement doesn't feel like confinement at all. MIL will blast the fan at me because the weather's just too atrociously hot! And the meals she cooks are like the usual fare, just with more ginger and stuff. Let me share today's meals:

Today's sumptuous breakfast! Some days I have wholemeal bread with cheese and milo, or hot mee sua soup ^^

Lunch and dinner and fruits ^^ I have brown rice for every lunch and dinner :D

Hubby has been helpful as much as he can, but as usual, when woken up from his sleep, he gets really grumpy. And I get upset too, but I didn't voice out as I know he's tired too as he needs to work, and to drive to work too. And on days of my girl's PD check or my post-natal gynae check, he drove us to and fro. Sometimes I get really upset with him for being so grumpy and unwilling to help in the middle of the night, while sometimes I am really grateful for him to be always there especially to bring us to TMC and then back... it won't be easy without him tirelessly chauffeuring us around. Sometimes I'm upset because I've been through longer nights without sleep with my first girl's confinement, when he wasn't around to help me at all, and now I just want him to help me with a bit and yet he seems to unwilling. And one of my best friends' hubby said that he'd do anything for her confinement because women need to rest enough during confinement to recover fully. I'm pretty sure "enough rest" is something I never get throughout my two confinements! Oh well, there are worse husbands out there of course. I must be grateful and appreciative for mine~ always count my blessings!!

On 28 May, we went back to TMC for my girl's PD check and her jaundice level was once again considered not low and we were advised to either admit her for phototherapy, or rent the equipment home to do it ourselves. My husband decided to rent the phototheraphy lamp and bilibed for 2 nights. I guess he didn't have a good experience when he had to rush to and fro to send me to TMC to visit our first baby when she was admitted. And like most - if not all - new mothers, I cried when my girl had to be admitted to the hospital. However, renting the equipment has its share of pros and cons. The pro is definitely that I can see my baby everyday and latch her everyday. The cons are the blue light that's permanently illuminating my bedroom for 3 days 2 nights, as well as the constant monitoring of my baby, especially to check if her eye mask stayed on.

Then on 2 June, we went back for her PD review. Her jaundice level has dropped from 12.9 to 11.1, but still not good enough... so we have to continue to sun her as much as possible and she'll have enough review next week. It seems to me that she's getting 'yellower' again and I'm really worried that she'll be admitted again next week for her jaundice... I'm praying it won't happen!

Yesterday I finally went back to TMC for my post-natal review, 12 days post-csec, as Dr Tham's ever so popular until I couldn't get an earlier slot as none was available. I cheekily asked him if he stayed nearby and he said no... told him that he seems to be always in tmc lolllll... He removed my bandage and said my csec wound is healing nicely. I was prescribed an expensive scar treatment gel, and even recommended some very expensive scar treatment gel sheet (cica-care) for the csec scar. He said perhaps not everyone bothers because not everyone's as vain as him... hahaha!! He's still so cute as ever... I'm so gonna miss him so much after all my post-natal check ups. Oh and I found out I've lost 5kg... from my pre-preg weight!! Woohoo, way to go~ and need to maintain!! Ahaha~ ^^

C-section

Immediately after I woke up from my csec, I felt nothing but pain in my abdomen. The binder was put on for me and the nurses were putting on the compression socks. All I could do was to mumble "pain... pain... pain.." nonstop as the nurses transferred me to the ward bed and pushed me to the ward where my husband was already waiting for me. It was only back at the ward where I asked my husband where's baby? Is she okay??

The first day was painful like hell!! I could only lie in bed, and adjust bed up or down only... second day was still painful but was made to walk, go to the toilet to pee etc... I could sit up on the bed to receive visiting friends and eat... my friends advised me to get out of bed to walk more, if not I'd be struggling on the day to return home. I still walked like an old woman though, slow and almost hunched down in pain, on the second day as well as the third day when we're going home.

When I came home, I walked around quite a bit... I carry baby, latch her, go to the toilet, bathe myself with the boiled herbal water etc. And slowly it got better. On the fifth day, we went back to TMC for baby's PD check and I could walk without difficulty. By 1 week, most of the pain has gone away and i could function normally... on and off I did get some cramp feeling, like a mixture of muscle cramp, menstrual cramp and contractions kinda feeling deep inside. I whined to my mum over the phone and she said of course there'll be pain inside as the doctor has to cut through so many layers of flesh and muscles to reach the baby, so the layers inside are still healing slowly.

Now I'm 13 days post-csec and feeling absolutely fine. I miss the bump but guess what? One thing I feel super good about is when I wipe my legs after bathing... I could stand on one leg without toppling!! LOL~ but I can't enjoy too long as usually my milk will be dripping down my tummy and thighs nonstop and I'll have to race against time to get dressed and put the nursing pads in place. (>_<)

No longer bitter

I have been very bitter over the fact that I went through emergency csec for this delivery. I had expected a fast delivery like my first born, and seeing many second time mums in my mummy group having fast and smooth deliveries, I'm feeling even more bitter. Why? Why do I have to go through emergency csec? Why do I have to go through the pain? The trauma? And of course the extra costs!

I was still bitter and once again complained to a group of mummy friends. I was chatting with this mummy who went through csec too as I asked her how long it took for her wound to get better... and the conversation goes:

Me:

I miss natural..  i was looking forward to another round of natural without epi

V sad to hv to go thru csec
But it's me la
Friend:
U went thru immediately admit?
Me:
I see my mummy grp all the second time mums pop v fast n smooth
I feel so bitter why mine not like that
Cos every contractions her heartrate drop.. suspect cord around neck.. so bobian emergency csec
It's the last thing i ever expected..  but i guess no one will ever expect it de
Friend:
Oh.. Haha.. For my girl, I do want natural without epidural but when doc told me best is to go through csect due to her size.i told myself never mind. As long as she can be born safe
Me:
Cord around her 3 times
Friend:
So scary. But everything okay for her?
Me:
Too active i told the massage lady she also shocked say huh ur bb so active
My gynae everytime come see her say her so naughty
Yea ok le..
Now all fine
Friend:
Thanks goodness. That moment is too scary to imagine
Me:
Yea very scary
Friend:
I cannot imagine that kind of moment.. Is like between life and death
Me:
N i was in pain i was almost asking for epi
Then gynae came n say either epi or ga go csec immediately
Make decision now
I was in so much pain i didn't want to make the decision.. then gynae n hubby keep asking epi or ga
Then i initially asked for epi but epi will wait for the epi person to come... then they say ga person already at operating theatre..
Friend:
Good that u choose c sect.. I've a friend's friend who didn't want to go through c sect and insist on natural birth. In the end, the baby could not be save
Me:
So i say ok la ga ga just do it now
I just want to get it over n done w asap
Friend:

Very sad case
Me:

Aww :(

Yea so ok la at least now my girl is safe
Friend:

Ya.. That is crucial

And ur gynae make the right decision

GA faster. Epidural will take time for it to take effect
Me:

Yea
Friend:

Ur hubby must be scare to death too?
Me:

I guess so too

At the end of the conversation I was crying and I went to carry my sleeping baby from the cot, cuddled her and cry. At least my baby's alive, safe and well now. I shall not complain anymore.

Bitter

Compared to my first delivery, this was a disaster. And I see so many second time mummies having very fast and smooth delivery, I'm feeling really imbalanced. I kept asking myself if I should rush down upon bloody show or should have waited until the water bag broke. But I'll also try to justify that if I had waited, it might be too late to discover about the cord around baby, so it could be the right thing to do.

Whatever it is, I really was looking forward to a fast and smooth natural delivery and having an emergency csec was the last thing I ever expected. I've taken for granted that I'll never get to experience the painful csec wound. I was wrong. Now I've experienced both, not that I'm proud of it, but I can tell you very honestly from my comparison, I'd rather go through another round of episiotomy.

The delivery for my first born was fast and furious and we had all expected the second one to be too fast too furious... unfortunately it wasn't. Why oh why?! I miss the delivery for my first born but I will not try for another one to go through it again for the unpredictable may happen instead, speaking from experience now, and I'm definitely not ready for another terrifying round of emergency csec.

Under control

A baby is such a helpless little being. She may be hungry but can't find her own food, may feel dirty but can't bathe herself, may feel lonely but can't get out of the cot herself and go out to play. To some extend, the baby seems to be under the adults' control. If the adult doesn't feed her, she will never get satisfied and will just remain hungry. She's so helpless, all she can do about the situation is cry.

On the other hand...

I can't sleep when she's awake. I can't go out and play when she's demanding to be latched. I'm in so much pain when she latches, yet I can't just say, "Hey, mummy's in pain... so you settle this meal yourself k? Mummy needs some rest."

She wails in the middle of the night and I gotta wake up, no matter how tired I am. I feed her on demand and attend to her every single need, only satusfying my own needs and getting a short short rest when she sleeps. So, who's under whose control now?

Not easy

It's just not easy being a mum. First, I am totally deprived of sleep, I'm zombified. Sometimes I can hardly keep my eyes open, even when I'm walking to the toilet, and I'm always forcing myself to stay awake. I'm like a walking zombie... But a walking zombie with so much love. Next, my nipples hurt like hell from all the latching... Baby suckles so hard it feels like she's actually chewing on my nipples like they're gum. Even hurt to touch them when bathing.

Then I keep getting all emo. Just now I was having her latched and as usual telling her how much I love her. And then I was so overwhelmed by my emotions. I haven't exactly had a tough life but I've been through some serious shit myself and while in tears and sniffing away, I was telling baby that I want her to be happy and blessed... Thinking to myself that I won't want her to go through the same kinda shit I've been through. Thinking how painful it will be to see my daughter being hurt or depressed. And wondering how my mum felt seeing me like that.

Such an emo wreck I am right now. I thought I'm outta my emo self but yup, being a mother is just SO NOT EASY!!

One week left

I'm feeling better now... My supply has not resume to the previous max amount but is already improving from the "new low" two days ago... Hopefully it hit the max amount soon and even better... As baby grows, the milk supply should increase.

Confinement will end in a week's time. Will be returning home next Thursday, from my parents place where I'm having my confinement. Can't wait to be back with my hubby and have him help take care of baby too.

We will be having baby's full month celebration over two days next weekend... Too many people to invite! But I do worry about all the random hands touching my baby's chubby face. Sigh, call me the paranoid possessive mother. I really wish to keep baby inside the bedroom with me, but what's a baby full month celebration without the baby right?

This was taken yesterday morning at around 6:40am, by the dim light of my Ikea bedside lamp... I love my little precious. :)

Still crying

This is the second day I cry nonstop. I slept in tears and woke up in tears. I worry at this rate I'm going to go blind, but I can't stop the tears from rolling and I'm feeling so miserable because my milk supply has dropped tremendously and it seems like baby is always not having enough. :( I even keep apologizing to baby: sorry mummy doesn't have enough milk for you :'(

Cry and headache

I cry and I cry and I cry and I cry. And it is giving me a very bad headache, and that's not the only thing that hurts.

My whole life is upside down. The only thing that's right is my little baby. And she's so right she has become a little tyrant and turned my life upside down.

I latch on and on and on nonstop in the day. Hardly anytime to eat or drink or pee or poo. I'm tired and worried. I'm worried that she doesn't have enough milk to drink. And latching starts to hurt so bad. My nipples are more than just sore, I have to engage my contraction breathing techniques when latching her.

And then I still can't stop myself... I cry and I cry and I cry and I cry.

Ahem

Been singing to baby until I'm feeling a sore throat developing. But i sing so softly, especially in the middle of the night after latching... Trying so hard to make her sleep but she just continues to stare at me with her big round eyes. So i just sing on and on and on. Am I singing too much?! Or perhaps sleeping too little...

I need sleep

Another cranky night has passed.

Prepared a bottle from a packet of 110ml ebm at 1 plus am, hoping that she would drink as much as she wanted and sleep well through the night. And she drank around 60ml at 2am, then I put her back to sleep and pumped, but she refused to sleep and she cried again, and drank the balance 50ml at close to 3am after I pumped. Then at 3:40am she cried again to latch... Latching on till 4am... Finally slept.

At 5:40am she cried again and latched on and off till 7:10am... Then at 7:20am she cried again *omg* she finally latched to sleep at close to 10am. And I can have some water, take a toilet break and finally snooze.

Growth spurt perhaps

Last night was worse. She was latching nonstop too, but from 12am to 3am. It was extremely tiring for me. She cried so hard in between when she detached herself and yet had difficulty latching back, it hurts me to see her cry like that. In the end I was crying with her, pleading her to quickly finish and sleep so that I can finally get to rest too.

It could be a growth spurt, or maybe she's simply treating me as the human pacifier. I wish it's the former. I'm still pretty clueless... Being a first time new mom, there's just so much to learn each day!

There were visitors these two days. Two groups of my colleagues came yesterday and today respectively, plus my aunt and uncle came today and joined us for lunch.

Updating this while baby's latched on and suckling again... It's getting more and more sore to the extend of feeling painful as she suckles very forcefully. Sometimes I'm contemplating to switch to expressing but I love the bonding time when she latches on me. It's such a dilemma. And literally such a pain.

Nonstop latching

Baby has been demanding for milk and yet she's so difficult to latch as she's always struggling and pushing and aiming the wrong direction. She cried until hoarse *heartpain* and has been latched on and off for the past 2.5 hours... Each time she latches on, she falls into a light sleep, only to wake up in less than five minutes and cries for more milk, and I'll latch her again. Each time she latches on, I cry. It's been so tiring! And my nipples are so sore from her constant latching. She hasn't really slept since 8am and I seriously need a rest :(

Now she's finally falling asleep... I just rushed to the toilet and back... Almost peed in bed as I've been sitting in bed latching for hours. I really hope she can stay asleep longer so that I can take a nap too.

New time zone

Living in a new time zone.

It doesn't adhere to the usual 24 hours, 7 weeks standard. There's no distinction between days and nights, except that you need to switch on the light when it's dark outside.

It's BFT - baby feeding time!

When baby's awake, you are awake and kept busy. You feed baby, bathe baby, carry baby, sing to baby, entertain baby and change diapers. When all those are completed and baby's falling asleep, you may sneak a moment to update your Facebook or your blog, like what I'm doing right now!

And when baby's asleep, you pump, wash, sterilize, eat, drink, pee, poo, bathe, and occasionally take some photos of your baby's cute sleeping poses... If all of the above have been completed, you finally get to sleep, before baby wakes up and keeps you busy again!

Bathing

I have been bathing everyday since the day after I arrived at my folks' place for confinement. I did not bathe at all while in TMC, after my delivery... too tired and sore to be bathing.

I don't know how others were able to go through one month of confinement without bathing. I'm perspiring like crazy everyday, day and night. Since I'm already damp in my perspiration anyway, why can't I cleanse myself right? I literally perspire a waterfall down my face, front and my back especially after my hot meals for lunch and dinner. In fact with my sensitive skin condition, I'm already scratching myself madly, leaving scratch marks all over my chest, my tummy and my back. =(

My mum boils "daifonai" herbal bath water for me every morning to bathe myself in. On alternate days I will request for more herbal water, and use shampoo and body foam, and rinse with the herbal water. I can't imagine if I didn't use shampoo or body foam... My scalp and body would be itching like mad! Thank goodness I'm allowed to bathe... phew~

EDD

Today is my original EDD, and my little precious is 10-day-old today!

My hubby came with his parents and his sister to visit baby today. After his folks left, he stayed back to accompany me and helped me with baby while I'm forced to sleep. I'm still an emotional wreck and cried ever so often he's freaking out. He concluded that what I really need is rest and made me sleep. But baby still was a handful at the meanwhile and I had to change her diaper etc.

I'm the super possessive mother... oh no! No wonder I tire myself out. I want to do everything! From bathing my little precious since day 1 back at home, to changing clothes or diapers, feeding, etc. Now sometimes my mum bottle-feeds her my EBM, and just now hubby fed her too. But I still do the rest myself, including washing and sterilizing the bottles and pump parts. My mum does the laundry, cooking and dish washing.

Napped, and hubby went home to rush his graded group assignment. Do I have to wait a week before I can see him again? Sigh...

Pic of the day - my mum cooked black fungi and mock chicken in rice wine. My FIL loves this dish and so we gave him a bowl too, which made him very happy, according to hubby. :) Here, my mum served the dish together with boiled caixin for me. I have veggies and brown rice every meal, so I never had constipation. :)

T_T

I'm becoming this emotional wreck and crying myself to sleep. In fact I'm crying ever so often these days - while feeding, pumping, bathing, carrying baby and sleeping. (>_<) Now I'm missing my hubby like crazy and just scalded my fingers with the sterilizer because I'm too anxious to retrieve the bottle as baby was crying... And that's after I have breast-fed her, so getting bottle ready for the expressed milk. She always doesn't have enough and takes so long to feed. I'm tired. In fact at my post-natal appointment, my gynae says I look so tired, i look worse than when I was giving birth! He also said baby's been torturing me... Haha. Being a mummy is just so tough!! Can't wait for confinement to be over, so I can go home and let hubby share half the load, plus stop missing him so badly of course. Although I'll definitely miss my mum's cooking then.

Okay, I'm done crying... Blogging is therapeutic... Hohoho. Goodnight world! I shall snooze before baby cry for milk again... Desperately need sleep now.

Feeding baby

I still can't grasp her feeding habits. Sometimes she falls asleep after feeding on one side and stays asleep for hours. Sometimes she's still crying for more milk after feeding on both sides, and I have to try to breastfeed her again or warm up some of the expressed milk for her. I wonder if it's her feeding pattern that's unpredictable, or my milk supply. Sigh.

On a brighter note, went for my post-natal gynae appointment today and doc says my episiotomy wound is healing beautifully. Hubby, baby and I also took photos with Dr Tham and his sweet and trusty assistant, nurse Nina. We're planning to print the photos for them, and my next appointment is 3 months later.

Here's 4 pics of my lovely precious who's always so full of expressions, especially after the satisfaction from my breasts. She has quite an obsessed mummy who can't stop snapping her photos! :P